After 8 loooooooooong weeks of keeping secrets, strategic dressing, and basically lying to everyone I know, I can finally share that I am pregnant! I wanted to wait until I made it through my appointment yesterday--the last of my first trimester--to be sure everything looked okay before I began to share the news with people. It has been the most agonizing 8 weeks of my life. I found out very early that I was pregnant--3 1/2 weeks. The fact that I had such a quick and clear result was amazing. I couldn't believe the tests (yes, I took a several). Everything about my charts and the way things went that month pointed to "no". I was ready for another cycle of Clomid. I even had the pills with me when I went on vacation. We found out with the first test while we were at a family reunion. Perfect timing. It was impossible to think about anything else but absolutely necessary we do so until we could retest. We retested when we got home and go another positive test. Then I went to the doctor about 2 weeks later and heard "congratulations, you're pregnant" for the third time. This time I even got to see the baby because they performed an ultrasound to see how far along I am. Talk about the most wonderful images (and sounds--yes, I even got to hear the heartbeat!). I don't think I've ever seen or heard anything more wonderful.
We decided to wait until the end of the first trimester (or very close) to tell everyone because my risk of miscarriage was so much higher. It has been torture. First of all, because I had this news I wanted to scream to the world and couldn't. But also because I have felt next to nothing so my mind keeps going to fears about whether things are okay. I feel so blessed to have been able to avoid the experience of morning sickness. I desperately needed to keep this a secret, so I am thankful that it has been made easier in that respect. My only complaints are hot flashes, tiredness, and lately being hungry all the time. It could be a LOT worse. So for right now, I am enjoying the thrill of pregnancy. I heard that little heartbeat again yesterday and it's strong. I get to find out about our baby's gender in less than 8 weeks. And I'm already seeing changes in my body as this baby is making my waistline expand ever-so-slowly. That's gonna be an adjustment. But hopefully and easy and good one. I can't wait until I can be completely open about it. Hopefully soon.
God is good--I know it is only because He allowed it to happen that we are enjoying this right now. And I am thankful everyday for this little life inside me.
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